Executive Order Burgers

June 12, 2026 · josh darby

Home/ Recipes/ Executive Order Burgers

The Founding Hog's official decree: stop squeezing your patties. This is how it's done.

If you've followed the Ribertarian movement for any time, you've heard Executive Order #001: Stop squeezing your burgers.

This is the recipe that proves the decree right.

These are smash burgers — thin, crispy-edged, lacy patties seared on a screaming hot surface with one job: maximize the Maillard reaction. Pressed ONCE to shape, then left alone. The result is a burger that's all flavor, all texture, all browned crust. No dry hockey pucks. No flavorless gray meat. No squeeze-drained sadness.

Executive Order seasoning was built for this cook. Kosher salt, garlic, black pepper, and turbinado sugar — exactly what a smash burger needs to develop that deep brown bark in 60 seconds flat.

This is your weeknight cook. Your tailgate cook. Your "I don't want to think about it" cook. Make these once and you'll never go back to thick, dry, sad patties.

Cook Time: 10 minutes active · 15 minutes total

Serves: 4 (8 patties)

Difficulty: Beginner

What You'll Need

Ingredients:

1.5 lbs ground beef (80/20 — the fat is non-negotiable)
Executive Order rub — 2 tablespoons
4 brioche buns (toasted)
8 slices American cheese
Toppings: thinly sliced raw onion, dill pickles, ketchup, yellow mustard
Optional: shredded lettuce, sliced tomato, bacon (always bacon)

Gear:

Cast iron skillet OR flat top griddle OR a metal sheet on your grill
Heavy spatula (smash burger spatula or a sturdy metal one)
Parchment paper squares (6x6")
Tongs
A timer (these cook FAST)

Step-by-Step

1. Get your surface SCREAMING hot. Cast iron on max heat for 5-7 minutes. Flat top griddle on high. You should see faint smoke rising off the surface. Smash burgers don't work at medium heat. Don't compromise on this.

2. Roll the beef into golf-ball sized portions. Lightly form 8 balls, about 3 oz each. Don't pack them tight — just roll loosely. Tight balls = dense patties. Loose balls = lacy edges. The Founding Hog cares about edges.

3. Heavily salt the surface (NOT the beef). Sprinkle Executive Order directly on your screaming hot cooking surface, not on the meat balls. When you smash the patty into the seasoning, it creates an instant crust. This is the move.

4. Place a ball on the seasoned spot. One ball per smash. Don't overcrowd — give each patty space to develop a crust.

5. SMASH. One time. With authority. Place a small piece of parchment paper over the ball, then smash with the back of a heavy spatula. Press DOWN HARD for 5 seconds, flattening the ball to about 1/4 inch thick. ONE smash. Walk away.

6. Do NOT touch them. Don't poke. Don't squeeze. Don't lift to peek. Don't press down again. They need 60-90 seconds of undisturbed contact with the hot surface to develop the crispy crust. This is non-negotiable. The Founding Hog will not say this again.

7. Hit them with more Executive Order. While the first side is cooking, sprinkle a light second pass of rub on the top of each patty.

8. Flip ONCE at 90 seconds. When you see the edges browning and the patty is mostly gray on top, slide a sharp metal spatula UNDER the patty (use force — the crust will release in one piece) and flip. Add cheese immediately.

9. Cook the second side 30-45 seconds. That's it. These are thin patties. They cook fast. Pull them when the cheese is fully melted.

10. Stack two patties per burger. Smash burgers are always doubles. One patty is a snack. Two is a meal. Stack them on a toasted brioche bun with onion, pickles, ketchup, and mustard.

11. Eat immediately. Standing over the counter is preferred.

Pro Tips

80/20 ground beef is the only acceptable ratio. 85/15 is too lean — your patties will be dry. 70/30 is greasy. 80/20 is the law.
Cold meat smashes better. Pull the beef straight from the fridge, smash, and cook. Cold meat holds shape during the smash and gets crispier edges.
No parchment? Use wax paper or aluminum foil. The point is to keep the spatula from sticking to the meat.
Want to go viral? Try the "Oklahoma onion burger" version — smash a handful of paper-thin sliced onions INTO the patty as you smash. The onions caramelize and become part of the patty.
Don't have a flat top? A cast iron skillet on the stove works perfectly. Crack a window. Your smoke detector will hate you. The burger will be worth it.

The Pairing

A cold beer — pilsner, lager, or American light beer. Don't overthink this. Burgers and a cold cheap beer is a sacred American combo. The Founding Hog will not entertain wine pairings for a smash burger.

Make It Yours

Executive Order belongs on more than just burgers: